Jody Allard

Former Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland died yesterday, and with his death I've come to two unfortunate conclusions: 1.) Addiction is a bitch, and 2.) The 90s are officially dead.

The pair has pledged to donate 99 percent of their Facebook shares over the course of their lifetime, which currently amount to about $45 billion. You know, just some pocket change.

"However, if you've ever met a teenager, you know that roughly 75% of them will never willingly walk into the school nurse's office and ask about birth control. But, even if they do, they still won't necessarily know which form is best for them, and they certainly won't be given the advice they need to dump that player and move on already. That's where us parents come in. Except, of course, that half of our kids won't talk to us about the ins and outs of sex and relationships."

Feeling lonely at work? Today only, in 50 cities across the country, Uber will deliver kittens to your office in honor of #NationalCatDay.

Instead of delving into the psychological and scientific impacts of their work, reporters asked the astronauts how they would survive without makeup and men in space.

Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was

"Ultimately, it doesn't matter much whether Bland killed herself or was murdered. In both cases, she died because she was hauled into custody for a minor offense that didn't really even merit being pulled over to begin with. Maybe her head injury led to uncharacteristic behavior, or maybe the traumatic arrest triggered a severe PTSD episode, or maybe someone flat out killed her. But, in every case, she died because she was in that police cell."

9. Use Timeouts—For Yourself!

Once upon a time, a band of heavily-armed men decided to take over an Oregon federal building. Because they were white, the Feds didn't shoot them in 12 seconds, and nobody even really did anything about it. (Possibly also because these intrepid defenders of our Constitution decided to seize a bird sanctuary.)

Most stories involving robots that have been developed to think and feel end with robot uprisings and the near annihilation of the human race.