Jody Allard

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It’s been three years since I divorced my mother. The reasons are long and complicated, yet also short and simple. My mother is not capable of mothering anyone, and I am healthier and happier without her.

The thing about trauma is that it creates inherently unreliable witnesses. Victims tell as much as they can bear to tell, in that moment, and perhaps even as much as they can remember. Memories can be hazy and dim until the second that the curtain is lifted and the body is thrust back into the moment of abuse. There is no such thing as one way of processing trauma, and there is no perfectly linear path to recovery, either.

The more I told him that something hurt me, the more that he did it.

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Although my underlying disease has no treatment, many of the symptoms of my disease can be treated, and even a small reduction in my symptoms can be life-changing for me. Yet, unless I really push my doctors for a treatment plan, they rarely offer any suggestions. I understand that there is no pill to cure me, and I don't feel bad when my doctor doesn't have one to offer.

It's easy and painless to poke our noses into the minutiae of other parents' decisions, but it in no way tackles the real epidemic of child abuse.