Joni Edelman

With the help of the midwife—and immense effort on my part—Ella finally slid out into the water. But she was limp, pale. It was scary.

Help. Me. Please. And by help me, I mean, bring me my jumbo size jar of

A weekly trip to Walmart would end in tears — first theirs, then mine. Them pining in the toy aisle. Me saying no. Over and over. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to buy my kids whatever they wanted, it was that I couldn’t.

You should know that she is a really awesome human.

Look, I'm not saying McDonald's did this themselves, I'm just saying, a lot of the people that work there probably agree.

1. All vaginas are good vaginas.

Actually, no, I'm not a gluttonous moron.

No, Bill Cosby isn't my dad. But he was like one to me growing up.

If you're brave enough to take the DIY Brazilian plunge, these tips are a must-read. As in, tip #6: It hurts, but not more than having a baby. Good to know.

I'll let you in on a little secret - being thin didn't make me happy, but being "Fat" does! Be fat and happy. Be unapologetically fat.