Kids

Today I’m talking masturbation in particular, because this stuff is the stuff happening before your teenager is getting busy in the back of your SUV (it’s happening, sorry). We are laying groundwork for healthy, happy sexual behavior. In the next two installments, we’ll talk porn and then finish it off with actual partner sex stuff.

Ever since I was a kid myself, I’ve held the conviction that I didn’t want kids. I found baby dolls creepy and real-life babies irritating. Whenever I told my parents this, they’d say, “You’ll change your mind.” But at age 25, I still haven’t.

For many families, this is the time of year they travel most...If you are adding kids to the mix, though, traveling isn’t always the most pleasurable experience. Here are some tips that I have learned while traveling over the years.

Your happy, united family suddenly shifts to you versus your tired and hungry preschooler, frustrated elementary kid who isn’t getting what she wants, or worse — a snarling, seething, moody, hate-mongering…TEENAGER!

Remember when a birthday party meant balloons and a homemade cake in the backyard? Forget it. Book The face painter, the reptile wrangler, the Disney princesses, and/or the hip-hop Dance Instructor to keep those kiddos entertained!

... there is no joy in the season when mom is locking herself in the bathroom to pull her hair out — don’t let that be you!

2. Searching for an anti-allergen birthday cake. Back in the day, there was only one birthday cake (usually homemade). All the kids would eat it problem-free, and the only emergency would be little Jack vomiting on a chair. But with today’s abundance of nut, gluten, wheat, egg and you-name-it allergies, vomiting is the least of your worries. Now, your mission is to find a cake (or several) that will not require antihistamines afterwards.

"Divorce is never easy. Ever. But it doesn’t automatically mean ill-adjusted kids. Children are adaptable and seeing a well navigated divorce can actually impress on them that the hardest things in life can be handled with grace and maturity."