Jenni Berrett

[CN: vomit] Having been an unfeeling, sluggish husk of a person with the nap-taking skills of an elderly sloth for the past five months or so, I have reemerged too tender for this world.

Boy, do we have some great finds this week. Olympic farting and synth-soaked summer jams — what more could you want? If your answer was "a longform piece of investigative journalism detailing Nicki Minaj's appearance at a bar mitzvah," you've come to the right place.

Stress-free Interneting is of utmost importance this week. We've got you covered.

“You are not the only person in the world who has anxiety. You are not the only person in the world who has depression. You’re not the only person in the world who has thoughts of self-harm. There are people who want to help you. There are people who have spent their entire lives helping people like you and me and all of the people that you’re seeing in this video. And you’re not alone. You are okay.”

“Girls don’t masturbate, right? I don’t masturbate. Do you masturbate? Can girls masturbate? I don’t think they can — I’m pretty sure my mom doesn’t.”

"...Mental illness isn’t that exclusive. It doesn’t care how your day is going."

This week includes mostly chihuahuas. You're welcome.

We have returned from our long (jk, two week) hiatus to deliver you the Internet you live and breathe for!

The premise is pretty simple: We each give you one thing to watch, one thing to listen to, and one thing to read over the weekend.

Here we are, your fearless Internet explorers (pun totally intended), back with another melange of web flotsam for you to scavenge.