Jody Allard

Before you run to the bathroom to puke out your human DNA containing hot dog while sobbing over delicious bacon, let me clear up a few misconceptions.

9. Use Timeouts—For Yourself!

As you've probably gathered by the explosion of pink everything, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And, while many people try to spread awareness with the best of intentions, there isn't anyone left on this planet who hasn't heard of breast cancer. Breast cancer patients need many things, but sharing silly Facebook statuses and engaging in other click-it-and-forget-about-it forms of awareness isn't one of them.

In case you live on Mars, which is the only possible way you've missed the shitshow that is Kim Davis, this isn't Davis's first rodeo. Oh no, Davis was released from jail earlier this week after she was found in contempt of court for refusing to issue marriage licenses. This order came not just from the local courts, but was backed by the god damn Supreme Court of the United States. Because, you know, you should totally ignore the highest court in the fucking nation.

Delivering gifts to children around the globe in a single night might seem like a tall order for one man, but when children were asked whether a woman could do Santa Claus' job, a passel of adorable British kids had a decidedly ugly answer –– a resounding no.

Being a single parent has never been the "problem" in my life.

Prosecutors could have "reasonably" proceeded with sexual assault charges in the Rehtaeh Parsons case or declined to pursue them, according to a

Only highly educated white people seemed willing to consider the idea that their children might learn best without any instruction at all.

Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was

"It's simple, really. If you can muddy the waters enough, and espouse concern for the rights of those poor defenseless embryos enough, what should be a simple statement about the rights of women to make choices for their own bodies becomes, instead, a convoluted argument around viability and fetal stages that puts the presumed "rights" of fetuses on an equal footing with the actual rights of adult women."