Rebekah Kuschmider

(Sidebar: anyone who puts baby cats in a bag and tosses them in the trash does not deserve to keep breathing the same air as normal kitty-loving people.)

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

Yesterday, the big news in food science was that BUTTER ISN’T BAD FOR YOU AFTER ALL! It turns out that butter, like other saturated fats, isn’t the health demon-food that we were once told it was. I think now we’re supposed to do Kermit-arms and dance around rejoicing that we can butter our toast with impunity.

Probably the person having the worst week in the U.S. is the guy who tried to grab a handful of Taylor Swift.

The man who launched 1,000 memes will be leaving government after 43 years of service, first as a Senator from Delaware, then as Obama’s right hand man.

Back in the old days, before the Internet was in our pockets, finding a vacation rental involved travel agents. Finding a vacation rental equipped with kinky sex equipment...Well, I don’t know how that would have worked. Luckily for all the fetishists out there, those dark days are behind us.

Periods happen. They just do. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It’s just a thing. Like how hunger happens, or or a sneeze happens. It’s a body thing that… happens.

See, sex requires everyone in the room be on board for whatever is happening. Some people like to think that they’re so in tune with their partner that they know what they can do and what they can’t do, but that’s a dangerous supposition. At any moment during a sexual encounter, something can change. Consent can be withdrawn.

Does the Senate health care bill suck? Yes. But because I hate to wallow in bad news, here’s something in the world of health and bodies that is a positive development: teens are more apt to use contraception now than in the past.

CANCER NEEDS TO KEEP ITS GRUBBY MITTS OFF OF OUR ARTISTIC LEGENDS, DAMMIT.