Rebekah Kuschmider

Anyone who has ever lived with a dog knows the joy of having your best friend greet you at the door every time you come home. Or return from getting the mail. Or walk out of the shower.

President Obama is not here for campus sexual assault. Literally.

Can you believe it’s only been eight weeks since Trump took office? That’s not even a full school marking period.

Put on your robes, grab your spell books, and get down to the Great Hall! It’s breakfast time at Hogwarts!

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

The ultra-conservative, ultra-religious, Duggars are coming back to TV this week with spin-off series Jill and Jessa: Counting On.

Ohio Governor and Republican Presidential aspirant John Kasich reassured the gathered crowd that a lack of support has never deterred him from seeking office. He referenced an early campaign in his career when “I didn’t have anybody for me. We just got an army of people who —and many women who left their kitchens to go out and go door to door and put yard signs up.”

Periods happen. They just do. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It’s just a thing. Like how hunger happens, or or a sneeze happens. It’s a body thing that… happens.

This week, the golfer in chief launched TrumpTV, a series of Facebook live updates detailing the great state of the universe according to Donald Trump.

In a move that proves karma to be the Most Righteous of All Bitches, the makers of those “scandalous” Planned Parenthood videos have been brought up on charges in connection with their operation.