Rebekah Kuschmider

OK, folks, it’s possible that Trump has finally crossed the line.

Follow these tips and you will look well-rested, you will not have camel toe, your underwire won’t poke you in the armpit, your hair will smell nice, your knuckles might not crack in the cold weather, and you will have enough money leftover for icing and sprinkles for the next absurd elementary school party. Huzzah!

The body and face we have today is such a tenuous thing. The longer I live, the more strongly aware I am that there are no promises of health or wholeness. Beauty is fleeting, and does it matter anyway if your body suddenly ceases to work the way it "should"? Would I regret the days I spent peering at imperfections if suddenly my sight were gone?

For all of us who have wished we could be hooked up to an IV of coffee, the moment may have arrived! No, your doctor isn’t willing to install a PIC line for you to hook up to an urn at your local Starbucks. Instead, some entrepreneurs are crowd-funding to produce a bracelet that administers a steady stream of transdermal caffeine.

If you owe the feds a tax payment and don’t want to pay by check or e-transfer, you can make a cash payment in person at 7-11 stores. This is incredibly helpful for people who don’t have bank accounts or credit cards — or people who need to get taxes paid locally, at a spot near public transportation.

Researchers at the University of Southampton in the UK have found that adding two more cups of coffee to your routine can reduce the risk of cirrhosis by up to 44% and can reduce the risk of death by cirrhosis by half.

Now, listen. I know that anything that happens in 45 minutes with an aesthetician isn't going to be wizardry. It might not even be noticeable. But I also know that I am not very good at treating myself to nice things that involve sitting down and letting other people take care of me.

Probably the person having the worst week in the U.S. is the guy who tried to grab a handful of Taylor Swift.

The worlds of theme parks and virtual reality give us all kinds of opportunities to experience adventures that are out of the realm of possibility.

You can’t deal either, can you? Of course you can’t. So listen: let’s stop talking about this scum-sucking-bottom-feeder and focus on something happy. Like a puppy finding a home and a job.