Rebekah Kuschmider

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders and Jeb Bush and so many other candidates were imperfect and problematic in their own ways, but they were also career public servants who knew the risks and the responsibilities of the office. They expected it to be hard. They were ready for it to be hard. We should have elected one of them.

THEY THINK SLAVERY WAS A GOOD THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

If you are a dog or a cat and have sensitive hearing and a limited understanding of patriotism, fireworks seem like an assault. For all your dog knows, the world is actually ending in a blaze of colorful sparkles and loud explosions.

One escort interviewed said she was changing $620 PER HOUR for the “girlfriend experience,” which includes taking her to films and walking the red carpet at events. She has a strict 4- and 5-star hotel policy. No yacht parties though, for safety reasons.

When is a bra not a bra anymore?

The MOTO Clear Plastic Straight Leg Jeans look exactly like the kind of clear plastic zipper bag a new comforter for your bed would come in, only pants.

Call me when Starbucks is serving a drink laced with cyanide and then I’ll join you in outrage.

Hopeful readers, may I present to you, the three-time mayor of Cormorant, Minnesota: DUKE!

In addition to being named the first non-human Meridian Hometown Hero, Jaxon has been awarded a probationary firefighter badge.

According to reports today, O’Reilly has reached his lifetime limit on harassing women at FoxNews and will lose his cable show in the process.