Rebekah Kuschmider

This year, as a special treat from Mother Nature, who appears to be pro-choice, there will be a blizzard bearing down on DC as the marchers do their anti-choice thing. Now, I’m a long time DC area resident. I’ve seen a lot of these marches, and there are a few things I know:

If Doritos wanted to change something, I’d say they should make their chips slightly smaller so the edges don’t scrape the roof of your mouth when you bite into them. That’s all.

This isn’t your old-school, gas-station-bathroom condom dispenser, either. It's called a Wellness To Go station that sells condoms, Plan B Emergency Contraception, pregnancy tests, tampons and pads, and even over-the-counter painkillers like Advil and Tylenol.

It’s true. There are goats in Morocco who climb argan trees, eat their fruit, and then expel the seeds so that new argan trees can grow.

This means that if you are sexually assaulted in California after this law takes effect in January 2017, you have all the time you need to gather your strength to press charges.

I love communications technology. Luuurrrvvvvveee it.

We are living in challenging times, my friends. There’s tension around the globe, politics in our country are beyond bizarre, and most of my friends are feeling really sad about a character who died on Game of Thrones the other night. But there is reason for hope! And that reason has teeny tiny hooves, big ears, and two nanny dogs.

The online company just announced that any employee is eligible for 26 weeks of paid leave after the birth or adoption of a child. That’s six whole months of paid leave!

Have you ever wanted to have sex like Gwyneth Paltrow? Me neither, but she has finally turned her attention — and the latest issue of Goop — to telling us all about sex in the Paltrow-verse. I rushed right over and read it so you don’t have to.

We interrupt this dumpster fire that is the United States of America in 2017 to bring you what is probably the most horrifying news in the history