Rebekah Kuschmider

Remember how a couple of weeks ago we talked about how the

It is January 19, 2017. It is the last day of Barack Hussein Obama’s presidency.

There are bedtime stories, and then there are bed time stories. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge — know what I mean?

ERMERGERD! ERLEXANDER HERMILTON!

Friends, I would like to announce that we have reached Peak Fall. How do I know this? Because I have discovered that there is pumpkin spice flavored vodka.

The next few months are going to feel like drinking from a firehose of bad political news. Just today, my email is pinging away with alerts about all the executive orders that Trump seems to have signed expressly to make me, Rebekah Kuschmider, lose my mind. I keep feeling jolts of adrenaline, and I reach for my phone to email or call or Tweet or SOMETHING to release my endless rage.

You can’t deal either, can you? Of course you can’t. So listen: let’s stop talking about this scum-sucking-bottom-feeder and focus on something happy. Like a puppy finding a home and a job.

If your marriage is anything like mine, your text history with your spouse is a mixture of topics, often several at once. It’s not unheard of for me and my husband to be flirting in one text and talking about what time our son’s soccer game is in the next — and those texts minute be sent seconds apart.

The FDA has announced that Mibelas 24 Fe pills, made by Lupin Pharmaceuticals, is under recall due to packaging errors that mixed up the active pills and the placebos. In the case of the recalled lot, the packets have 24 active pills, four placebo pills, then four more placebo pills. That’s too many days without the active pills and your body — your pregnancy risk just got a WHOLE LOT HIGHER.

If you ever wanted proof that the moral arc of the universe always lands in the right place, we have only to consider the fate of internet shock-jo