Parenting

How many times have you opened your mouth only to hear your parents instead? This happens to me all the time . . .

6. You do not need to comment on what my child is or isn't doing. "That's too bad you don't have your kids enrolled in advanced chess. I have my kids in advanced chess, and lacrosse, and calculus, and..."

But how dare you, terrible mother and/or father. Don’t you love your kids? Don’t you want them to prosper? Don’t you miss them with every ounce of your being when they are in class? Aren’t you weeping huge tears of sorrow over the loss of this valuable family time?

1. EATING OUT. OMG, I could eat lunch at a diner . . . without also being given a coloring sheet with crayons. I could eat a whole meal by myself. I can play on my phone without having to share it! Bonus: No kids menus required.

You’ll recognize this mom because her kids are dressed. In actual clothes. They have on, like, pants, or at least something covering their butts. They aren’t wearing pjs or a recycled Halloween costume. They have shoes. On.

I was 5 years old when I last saw my biological mother. She was 20, recently had my baby brother and was fighting for custody of me. A series of unfortunate events, if you will, lead to her losing custody of me and relinquishing all rights over to my grandparents.

I guess it’s normal to be nervous. All we hear about is the pain and agony surrounding childbirth. People enjoy warning you about sleepless nights, tons of laundry and the massive poops you’ll deal with once the baby is here.

What is success? How do I define it now, and is it constitutive of or separate from happiness?