Gigi Engle

If someone wants to be with you they should be obsessed with you. This person should not be telling you not to tag them in photos (so people can't see you're together), not texting you for days on end (and not caring if it upsets you), always making you come to his or her neighborhood because he or she doesn’t want to travel. A person who does this is NOT worth your time.

Blowjobs are good, wholesome, and very sexy fun. While they are enjoyable, I think we all know they don’t call it “job” without reason. It is a J-O-B.

I have accumulated plenty of sex tips for fellow uncoordinated people. Embrace your quirks so everyone can get off! Here are seven of my absolute favorite, tried and true ways to keep sex fun and simple.

There are still parts of the world where women/vagina owners aren’t allowed inside their own home or community when they’re menstruating. They’re seen as impure. I believe the scientific term for all of this thinking is “total and utter bull.”

Sex can be super hot, but it should also be fun! It doesn’t need to be so serious all the time. Let's say sayonara, sex shame! I am so over you. Here are nine silly mistakes you shouldn’t be afraid to make in bed.

Having sex in public is exhilarating. But while the risk of being caught is compelling to many of us, getting busted will earn you a fat misdemeanor charge with up to three years in prison. The authorities are not screwing around on this — so keep this in mind before you release your inner exhibitionist and live life in your free-spirited way.

You can’t change a fuckboy.

Here’s the absolute truth: you cannot change a fuckboy unless he wants to change by himself. This is where girls get messed up. They think that a guy is going to change his crappy behavior for HER. This is not the case 99.9% of the time. If he’s a fuckboy, he’s not ready to stop being one. It doesn’t matter how great you are or how much you love him. Trust me.

He has to make that decision for himself.

I was such a dipshit in my 20s when it came to sex. If I had a nickel for every orgasm I faked, I wouldn’t owe Uncle Sam an arm and a leg in student loans. TBH, it makes sense that we’d adopt some unsavory sex practices in our younger years. What else are you supposed to do when you’ve been told your entire life to please your partner and just go along with it? Your 20s can be a shy time. You don’t know how to ask for what you want because you fear rejection. It’s time to leave that shit behind.

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

I found that Yoni crystals can apparently put you at risk for toxic shock?!??! And I was like: WHAAAAAT?!?!!?!?