self-care

Dear Sensitive Soul: Are you having a hard time right now? Me too. I think a lot of us are.

Dear Erin, I am at a crossroads in a 3-year relationship... Last year got rough. My partner stopped seeing friends, drank heavily, and showed other signs of depression/stress. Our awesome and abundant sex life? Gone.

There used to be weekends where I would rise and have no plans for the day but to do whatever the heck I wanted. I relied on no one and no one relied on me. Yes, there are aspects of those days that I miss (especially the sleeping in), but being a mom has made me a better person and my life much more purposeful. Would I love a do-over of a weekend sans kids? Sure! But as far as my character goes, nothing can compare to the way being a mom has humbled me.

I need help getting closure. What was it about me that wasn't enough for her? I don’t know if I didn’t give enough or if I did something wrong at some point...

I have been robbed of my dreams for more than 15 years by insomnia, an unpredictable bully playing tricks with my mind and body like a dog with its chew toys. I am given weeks or months of normal sleep, only to be blown back to sleeplessness like a sudden wind. An estimated 30-35% of adults will grapple with this particular sleep disorder at one point in their lives — and 10% will deal with insomnia chronically.

It’s now been ten days since I’ve given a fuck. Well that’s not strictly true, I’ve given a fuck about many things that are important to me. But not one single unnecessary fuck have I given.

And I have Sarah Knight to thank for this liberation.

I spent my undergrad years as the president of the feminist organization, so I have a lot of experience spending time with feminists. The people I worked with were passionate, thoughtful, and often downright hilarious. And a lot of these people became my very good friends and people I admired.

Still, as my school was majority white, a lot of these feminists were white. And, sometimes, they were White Feminists.

As a woman of color, this was something that became difficult for me to navigate.

Now, listen. I know that anything that happens in 45 minutes with an aesthetician isn't going to be wizardry. It might not even be noticeable. But I also know that I am not very good at treating myself to nice things that involve sitting down and letting other people take care of me.