The fantasy of another woman in our home to share in the duties of motherhood and marriage sounds like a dream come true. I mean, who wouldn't want an extra hand or two in the laundry basket and in the bedroom?
My typical day looks like this: I wash, set up play dates, go grocery shopping. I cook. I clean. I'm a stay at home mom to four beautiful babies. My life looks pretty. . . average.
My husband of 10 years is the center of my world. He works hard to provide for us. He's a great husband and an even better father. There really isn't anything unusual about our union. For all intents and purposes, it's a pretty typical marriage.
Except it's open. Open as in "open." As in...we are not monogamous. As in, we enjoy sex, and love, with other people — in our case, other females. It's known as polyamory, and it's a way of life — and love — that works for us.
I think when people hear about open marriages they picture kinky parties, wild orgies, bizarre porn-like behavior. But that was never our thing. Our open marriage began long before kids, totally on accident, and on a far more intimate level. It started with a joke that blossomed through late night conversations and in-depth pillow talk. Chance brought the right girl into our lives. A friend became a lover we shared.
Our triad brought so much added joy and love to our marriage. There were many hours spent discussing jealousy and insecurity, love and strength, fantasies and pleasure. We talked about what the future had in store for us. Of course there were amazing, scandalous, sexy times. Sometimes just me and her. Sometimes all of us at once. Sometimes her and him. Our triad didn't complete us, but it did enhance us. There were only a few rules: Happy, healthy, honest. Always. Above all else, honesty. It worked — for us.
When our triad ended, it ended amicably. Our lady friend moved on, and we went back to our traditional union of man and wife. I look back on those years as being the best years of my life. Lovers have since come and gone, but nothing has been as beautiful as our first.
These days our open marriage looks a lot different. It still looks a lot like love. We've spent the last 5 years creating a family. Now our nuclear family feels complete. And we're discussing the idea of adding another lover to our union.
The fantasy of another woman in our home, sharing in the duties of motherhood and marriage sound like a dream come true. I mean seriously, who wouldn't want an extra hand or two in the laundry basket and in the bedroom?
I recognize this life isn't for everyone. I know for many the tradition of marriage is a sacred union. I deeply respect that. For a few, the jealousy is just too much to bear. And polyamory is certainly not a Band-Aid for a marriage in trouble (though I've heard of rare instances where it's become a starting point for healing). But, despite all these truths, it's not as uncommon as you might think.
Since opening up to a few friends, I've learned that many have at least fantasied about polyamory, but have been too ashamed to admit to. This saddens me the most. There are aspects of sexuality that deserve to nurtured and encouraged. Sometimes something beautiful and amazing can result by simply pursing our desires with honesty and open communication.
Love was made to be shared.